Never make a decision from fear...

...or anger. Both are paralyzing. And whether you can see it in the moment, they really are the same thing. In the Muselan Monday Morning Musing this week we discuss not making a decision when you are feeling fearful. But what about when you are angry?

Often times when things really tick us off, we run out and do something about it. We make a phone call, we write a letter, we get in our car and drive somewhere because, by gosh, we're going to do something about it. Or maybe we don't and we just take it out on the next person we come into contact with. Just as in making a decision from fear, making a decision from anger can cause us to act in ways we normally would not. And we often regret it later.

As I've grown more conscious I notice that when I'm angry I now have 2 paths I take in order to work it out without affecting others. #1 - I move. I go for a walk, I go do power yoga, I start cleaning like crazy. It's like the anger is a fuel and I just need to burn it off. The other way I work it out is to turn a little more introspective. The most basic way I do this is to write. I open up a new document or pull out a clean piece of paper and just write. I express all of my feelings and thoughts no matter what they are. Then I delete or throw it away. If I truly feel called to action or to make a decision, I will do it later. Sleep is always good for changing my perspective too.

What do you do to deal with your anger? How can you avoid acting or making decisions in anger?

Angry Whopper?

Today I passed a Burger King. Have you seen that they are now selling something called the "Angry Whopper"? As if our food needed to be any angrier. I've seen the commercial too. Farmers shout and yell and spit at the onion while it's growing to try to get it angry. Are we that out of new ideas?

This may deserve another discussion in the Eating module but for now I'd just like to know why our food needs to be called "Angry"? Is it a case of mistaken identity? Are the marketers trying to convey a sense of strength, or power, or spiciness or toughness? My guess is that someone thought it was funny or cute and would get attention in an attention starved world. True, it did. But not for long.

Can we please resist this new and different spin and stop this idea now before we start selling the "Angry Blackberry", the "Angry Legos", the "Angry Cola", or God forbid, the "Angry Airbus"? Let's give anger its due justice. It belongs in the heart with the other emotions. It belongs as a response to injustice. It belongs in people wanting something more and better. It belongs somewhere. Just not in a burger.

Inspirational Quote

"Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness
forces you to grow beyond what you were."

~ Cherie Carter-Scott ~

Anger - the heart of the matter

I can definitely tell Anger has been on my mind lately. As I type, Dr. Phil is talking with some people who have some real anger issues. He wants to know what gives them the right to talk to another human being that way. The woman's answer? "I'm pissed off!" It seems to me like people are still not really getting to the heart of the matter. I really want to know what she's so mad about - deep down. She feels like a bully and said she was bullied in High School. That could be it, but I still feel like it's bigger than that.

There was a time when I was really ticked off too. Then I realized why (read more about it here.)
Anger, like our other emotions, comes in a spectrum. We have times we are in touch with it, times when we're not. We have times when we express and times when we don't. Then there are times when we express and it's extreme. Anger can be particularly disconcerting because it has the potential to create such harm, both to ourselves and to others. That is why the work we are doing here is so important.

Emotions can run amok and then we become slaves to them. We feel out of control. The answer lies not in getting in control but in getting in touch. Get to the heart of the matter, get into the depths. Find that emotion and name it. Is it anger? Outrage? Frustration? Fear? Often times it might not even be what you think it is. Then find out why. Keep asking yourself the question until you can't think of any more answers. Then, in a safe environment, let yourself feel it - really feel it. Laugh, cry, scream if you must, just as long as you feel it. You may just find that you start to become old friends with it. The kind of friend that you don't get nervous about seeing, that you welcome because you know it won't throw off your routine, and that comes and goes relatively quickly because you know you'll see her again soon. Make her a cup of tea, chat a bit, give her a hug and then say "See you later". You will and it gets easier each time.

Passion through Anger?

Is anger something that always breeds negativity and aggression or can it be fuel for creativity?

"Anger can be an expression of egoic frustration, but that same anger can give you energy in your practice." - Sally Kempton

I read this quote recently, along with a similar thought elsewhere, and it prompted a discussion with Laura. Can anger ever be good or beneficial?

It was an interesting discussion. Initially we thought, no, anger can't necessarily fuel positive things. But what about certain musicians, actors and actresses, artists of all ilk? Sometimes a great rage can produce some of the greatest works of art. And what about activists? Sometimes the greatest change can occur when someone just plain gets good and angry about injustice and decides to do something about it.

Of course, I had an incidence just today when I read something online that brought up some good old fashioned injustice kind of anger. I read something I disagreed with personally and responded to it. I tried, however, to make it a point to say my opinion and feelings without condemning another. I made points and counterpoints. Hopefully, the tone expressed some of my confusion and frustration without projecting hate or hurt.

The difference for me is in how you feel overall. If the anger consumes you, if you can't see beyond it, if it hurts or condemns others, then regardless of what great work of art it produces you may be missing the greatest work of art of all - your life.

Let the anger create a desire, a passion within you. Be conscious of your emotions and let them move you to action in a positive way.

Focus area and feelings

Hi Everyone! Happy New Year! I have been contemplating since I received the first module morsel this year on what my focus can be. I have for the last several years, (more than a several for those who know me!) been focused on my career. Well, with all the focus and manifesting I do, it is well on its way to developing and it is quite pleasing to be seeing it unfold. So as for my focus, I am making it my immediate family-my husband and son. I have never done this before, and already I have noticed shifts since deciding. One being my method of communication with my husband. This does seem big in many ways, my goal is to develop even better balanced energy in our home. I also think as a parent I want to be a good example to my son.

Marya, thank you for your comments on feelings and especially on Anger. It is amazing to be okay with these feelings in particular. It is a difficult feeling to be comfortable with and to give yourself permission to experience. I know I was taught to stuff it, and disregard it as it was inappropriate to have or show. The pinnacle for me was Thich Nhat Hanhs book on Anger, this brought me into peace with this emotion. Light and Love, Denise

Witness your Anger

I recently sat down and picked up an old copy of Yoga Journal magazine. I opened up to a random page and started reading. I was not surprised that it opened to an article by Sally Kempton, called Essence of Life. The "essence" of the article was regarding freedom in emotion, an ability to fully connect with and express all levels of emotions without being attached to, and controlled by, your emotions.

We have discussed an awareness of feelings - that is a big part of what this program is about. When we become aware we can identify the feeling and if desired, choose a different path. Sometimes even just being aware can change the reaction and behaviors in a positive way. There are times when you need to feel a feeling and just live with it awhile. When I first started this program I did have a lot of anger. I think that, maybe, for years I didn't express anger enough or at all. I think I needed to be angry - really angry - for awhile, before I could move beyond it. I'm just grateful I had help so that I could recognize what was going on and move through this phase respectfully.

Sally Kempton in her article tells of a practice she has used for cultivating a state of witness for her emotions. A way of not just observing but being open to your emotions - all of them. "Instead of being simply the observer of thoughts and feelings, you consciously welcome them... Anger comes up and you think, 'I welcome you.'" Can you welcome your emotions?

The Ripple Effect

In the inspirational e-newsletter this week, Laura included the following quote:

"We are responsible for all the ripples created in others by our anger, as well as the ripples they in turn pass along to the next group." - Sri Harold Klemp

I know we've all felt it. It's kind of like pay-it-forward, except with a bad check. Just recently I came across an article in TIME magazine, titled "The Happiness Effect". The article sites a 20-year long study, the results of which were recently published in the British Medical Journal, that says that happiness is contagious. We knew that!

It says that "...emotions can pass among a network of people up to three degrees of separation away, so your joy may, to a larger extent than you realize, be determined by how cheerful your friends' friends' friends are, even if some of the people in this chain are total strangers to you." And likewise, the friends' friends' friends are affected by how cheerful, or angry, you are.

Now, we know that it happens, what are we going to do about it? Join us in studying anger and what we can all do to change the ripples from negative to positive.

Experiencing Less Anger

(Laura) I can personally attest to this week’s Module Morsel thought (which is why I wrote it!) I experience so much less anger now that I understand what makes me angry. It isn’t even that I need to “control” my anger (control is just an illusion anyway), it is that I have access to a different path. My anger isn’t a necessary path or outlet, I can choose something else.

How things "should" be

My Internet home page is set to Wayne Dyer's Daily Inspiration. This is the inspiration for today:

I release the need to determine how things “should” be.
If you are suffering in your life right now, I can guarantee that this condition is tied up with some kind of attachment to how things should be going.

I think this fits so beautifully with our discussion. For me right now it's not about being right, per se, but about how things should be. (Although, they really are the same when I think about it.) I get frustrated when my kids don't cooperate, don't move fast enough, or change their mind at the last minute. Understandable frustrations, but ultimately about the way I think things should be.
Then there's the dog. We have 2 miniature dachshunds named Walter and Payton. Payton is a girl, black and tan, 11 years old, cute and sweet and my dog. Walter is a boy, brown, 16 years old, mean and my husband's dog. Walter and I have a love/hate relationship. The older he gets, the more I seem to hate him. I feel bad saying it and I've tried to figure out why. Studying this module helped me figure it out - he doesn't act the way I want. Granted, he doesn't act the way most people would want, but I need to find compassion for him. He's 16 (old even for a small dog), fairly blind and deaf and occasionally senile. He doesn't even bother to let us know he has to go out, if we don't do it regularly he'll just go wherever he is - the kitchen rug, the couch, my husband's lap. We also catch him sometimes just standing and staring into a corner. Did I mention he bites? I still have a bruise under my thumbnail from a recent one.
This month's study is dedicated to Walter. May God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...

Compassion and Our Family of Origin...

(Here is something from one of our participants who wanted to remain anonymous. What do you think?)

I had a little dilemma and thought well this was perfect for the compassion club. My focus this year is my family and as of late a little issue with my Mom. She has enormous trouble sleeping, and has ever since I can remember. She does take many medications that are supposed to help but I also think prevent her also from being able to. (So many meds-hard to know what is going on) Anyhow, she complains about it quite a bit. She mentioned to me the fact that she could not turn her thoughts off at night. Which sounds familiar on occassions for me so we got together to discuss breathing and some meditation. I suggested to her to do what I did when I started and then gave her 2 techniques for breathing along with a Andrew Weil tape. What was interesting about it was that she w as par tailly open to the information but kept insisting that she had tried some of it and "how do you let go of thoughts?" Hmmmm,
Well, I tried my best, but one of my family of origin issues is the fact that I am the baby. I tend to be the one that everyone turns to for an empathetic ear but not for action. It very seldom in the past and the very recent past arises that I am knowledgable enough at something to give advice. She tends to dismiss most of what I say, saying that she has tried it all and she just doesn't sleep well (we have had that conversation so many times I cannot count!) Both David and I made the observation that this is a self fullfilling prophecy for her.

So my dilemma is that it is slightly frustrating, I am fine if all that is required of me is to listen but to be drawn in and then dismissed is challenging for me and also how to help if at all?

This Week's Inspirational Quote

“You feel good not because the world is right,
but your world is right because you feel good.”
-Wayne Dyer

What do you think?

Anger and Being Right

“We cannot become angry unless we believe we are right.
Today when you feel irritated about something,
breathe deeply and allow being right to melt into being present.”

Here is a quote from Judith Lasater from her book Living Your Yoga. What do you think? Let us know if you have any experiences around this thought...

What am I angry about?

(Marya) Actually, nothing! Yay! Talk about a transformation! In 2006 I did this program (then called A Year of Living Nonviolently) because I actually felt, well, violent. I could feel anger bubbling all over in me. That year helped me tremendously, most especially to figure out exactly what I was angry about. I've come a long way, baby.
My mission for this year is to be more compassionate and accepting of those in my extended family (beyond my husband and kids). In addition to just outright Anger, I have been experiencing great frustration, irritation, impatience, apathy, annoyance and other derivatives. I've been working through all of these pretty heavily for almost 2 years. I month or so ago I had a huge outburst of anger directed at someone in my family, one like I haven't in a really long time. I felt bad about it and was a little regretful. I realized later that this one big outburst really helped me release a lot and I have felt so incredibly compassionate ever since. Has anyone ever experienced something like that?
Oh, and I did remember something I'm angry at - my dog. But that's another story.

Restorative Yoga = Irritation ???

(by Karen) I am not one for letting go, and I am not one for restorative yoga. I get IMPATIENT and IRRITATED in restorative yoga. Forever, I thought it was because of all the folding of blankets and the organizing and placement of all the props. Wrong! I was feeling the irritation because I knew that after I got everything set up, my work in that pose is to let go, to give up control. Interesting isn't it? Each day this month I have added at least one restorative pose to my yoga practice. I will continue with this for the month of January. It is already making a difference. There is a saying that "there is no place that is not your yoga mat". By working on this on my mat, it will help me to take it off the mat, with the intention of being more aware of where my control issues may lead to impatience, irritation and anger in my life. I'll keep you posted :-)

Impatience and Anger and...Control

As I wrote about in the module, my anger still stems from my impatience. What I have since discovered is my impatience stems from more serious control issues. (Anyone else? Am I alone here?) As Marya said in the Module Morsel “accept not expect”. I have many expectations as to how something should go, most specifically, my schedule. I am planned and scheduled to the minute (it feels like sometimes) and children often have different ideas... I am studying surrender for this year to loosen up here. I am ready to feel even more flow in my life.