admitting a fear

Hi Everyone, This month was especially enlightening. I found that keeping myself in touch with my needs, keeps fears at bay but does not eliminate them. I have discovered a very deep fear for myself, the fear of not being ready to help someone in need. Be it a family member, client or stranger. I do not trust my own abilities, knowledge and intuition fully. My focus area being my family is the toughest, I usually feel I do not know enough and then get frightened that I will not do what I need to do when the moment arises. I have reviewed many times the last month with my father. What I have discovered is admitting the fear is big, now moving forward and trusting myself and furthermore trusting the universe--surrender is my current task. I have been doing more inspirational reading everyday in the morning and before bed to feed this particular need.
I have also found that the more positive energy I create in my life in work and relationships helps me stay present and I have a willingness to look more deeply at myself. Namaste'

Unmet Needs

(by Karen) February has been very interesting for me as I have been sick and recovering every day of it. I went out of town to help my husband with a work project and just when I returned, I became very ill. I have questioned why many times. The more I am able to look back on it, I know I have my answer, it is from unmet needs.

I went to a place I did not want to travel to, to do work that does not inspire or "fill me up". In fact, it wore me down. We worked long hours, ate at different times each day (or sometimes skipped meals all together), stayed in a hotel that was not very comfortable which was right above a bandstand where the band played until 2:00am each morning. The weather was cold and I did not have a proper coat.

For me, taking care of myself (read: meeting my needs) is very important. It is important for me to have enough sleep, to eat healthy and nutritious foods at the same time each day, to spend time doing work and activities that nourish me spiritually and fill me up. While I was away, even though I did do a short yoga practice each day and eat the most healthy and nutritious meals I was able to find (not easy), my needs still were not met.

The sickness has caused me to look a little deeper. Do I have other needs that I am unaware of that were not met before I left? Time will tell :-)

My Lesson for the Month

Oh, my! Where or where do I begin? This month was an incredibly powerful learning experience around fears and unmet needs. My biggest lesson, though, was around receiving. In order to get your needs met, you need to receive what others and the Universe are handing you. Ultimately it comes down to feeling worthy of receiving. Hmmm...I have a hard time admitting to myself that I have felt I am not deserving of receiving gifts, but it is true. The other reason we don't receive is we don't feel we are loved. Neither are true, but are at the base of all of our unhealthy behaviors. I am learning to receive. I even receive hugs from my children in a new way. I feel them and draw in the love they are sending me. It is interesting to notice the change in them. They have smiles of pure contentment on their faces now when they hug me. Then I got it -- it is so much more fun to give to someone who receives. Think about how you feel giving a complement to someone who brushes it off and doesn't accept it versus someone who sincerely looks you in the eye and says, "thank you".

Inspirational Quote

"Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn."

(Marianne Williamson)

My One Thing

Okay, it is time to pick on thing to do daily to help get my needs met. I have been doing a breathing and meditation practice every morning lately and it is fabulous! I am going to keep that exercise up and use it to consciously get my needs met. What are you doing?

Hmmmm…The Universe has Other Plans for Me:

So, remember my decision to work with fear this month? Also remember my last post, feeling money issues were in the past and, since money issues have always been the “big fear” for me, I haven’t had much to work with this month. I was with Marya this weekend and she mentioned how she has been finding quotes on the fear piece everywhere. She chuckled, saying it was the message from the Universe. In that moment, I realized I had been receiving quotes on self-care and getting my needs met. I hadn’t yet made the connection that it was my message from the Universe! (Thank you, Marya!)

So, apparently, unmet needs is my focus. I can take a hint! (Even though it may take the proverbial frying pan! ☺) Self-care is a tricky one for me. I am one of those people who does so much people frequently comment “how do you do it all!” Ironically, it is usually with a touch of envy. Trust me when I say, save the envy. I feel a bit like my yoga students who are hyper-flexible. Other students look at them with such envy as they bend their body into every position with such ease. But they have a harder time in yoga. Their body goes too far into poses, putting stress on their joints. They need to learn how to pull out of the poses just enough but not too far to find alignment to receive the lovely benefits of the pose. That’s me. Many look at me with envy, but I go too far. I am putting stress on my joints and I am learning how to pull back just enough but not too far, to receive the benefits of life.

What a fabulous lesson for me!

Inspirational Quote

"Sometimes a situation frustrates me and other times the same situation doesn't bother me at all. Taking care of myself makes all the difference."
-YLC Participant from 2006

Figuring Out My Big Fear

As I mentioned in the Module Morsel this week, money was my “big fear”. (Yes, I am thrilled to announce, I can finally use the past-tense referring to it!) It took me a long time to realize it was my big fear because I didn’t see it as a “fear”. Let me rephrase, I knew I was fearful around money, I just didn’t know I had a choice about how I felt. I saw my anxiety around money as “realistic” and “practical”. I still remember when my life coach broached the idea that maybe I didn’t need to worry about money. I flipped out! (Almost literally – I remember feeling so uncomfortable with the idea, I couldn’t even harbor a thought, however brief, around it.) I remember telling her that would be “irresponsible” because I viewed my thoughts, my worries, as being the responsible and mature way to think about money. I remember thinking that other people who didn’t worry about money were either irresponsible (if they didn’t have a lot of money) or lucky (because they had enough money so they didn’t have to worry).
My turning point came when I noticed how my thoughts about money were affecting my relationship with my children. A thought would come up about money, I could feel the pang in the pit of my stomach, and my interactions with my children would instantly turn negative. I began to see that perhaps, just perhaps, there was a healthier way to interact with money.
It still took me a few years to be able to say money wasn’t fear-based for me. (And, still, when I am tired, not taking care of myself, etc. it comes up. BUT it is no longer my "usual state of being".) My negative attitude with money was so deep in me. What was interesting, though, is I instantly felt better when I realized that I had a choice, that my feelings around money were just my own making and I didn’t have to feel that way. I was then able to begin to separate the fear from my interactions with my children.
I think we all feel our worries, on some level, are responsible. If we didn’t worry it might mean we don’t care. Or, if we aren’t worrying it means we we won’t motivate to change anything. I see it in others with worry around the safety of their children, their health, fears around losing a job or the security of their home. Worry doesn’t help, ever. Think about it. How creative are you in solving problems when you are worried? My husband has told me so often (and I think I am finally listening) to never make a decision from fear. When we make a decision from fear, it is never a good one.

Focus

(Marya) I'm still having a hard time choosing so I'm going to work on both Fear and Unmet Needs. I've let go of a lot of fears already yet I keep finding quotes and articles on the subject recently. I'm open to what may present itself there. I also had a recent realization that often I'm more fearful, or dwell on my perceived fears more, when my basic needs haven't been met. They do go hand in hand (as Denise mentioned in her recent comment).
Today was evidence that I definitely still need to pay attention to my needs. I didn't eat an adequate lunch and was very hungry at dinnertime. As I prepared the meal and served my children I found myself getting extremely agitated and impatient. I was so much better after eating. Note to self (again): must eat good food regularly!

What is Your Focus this Month?

(Laura) In the Module I encourage you to choose either fear or unmet needs to think about this month. What did you choose? If you still aren't sure, choose the one you think affects your Focus Area the most. Let us know!

This Week's Inspirational Quote

“Be patient and loving with every fearful thought.
Practice observing your fears as a witness, and you’ll seem them dissolve.”
(Wayne Dyer)

Fears and Unmet Needs

(Laura) Time to move on to the next month's topic. I think I am going to focus on fears. I have been studying surrender in my life and I would love to release another level of surrender around my fears. Should be an interesting month...