An Illuminating Month

(Laura) What an incredible month for me! I have so enjoyed taking a deeper look into my self-judgment. What I realized is I have two main areas in which I still have residual judgment, my level of professionalism and my parenting. I have found it extraordinarily helpful to be aware of where I judge myself. It helps me recognize the judgment faster. I had an experience in self-judgment last week when I made a (in the words my spouse and I use) "less than optimal parenting decision." Later that day, after I spent a couple of hours feeling incredibly guilty, I noticed my Wayne Dyer quote of the day was:

"Any energy you place on what transpired in the past
is groundwork for guilt, and ego loves guilt.
Such negative energy fabricates and excuse
for why your present moments are troubled
and gives you a cop-out, a reason to stay out of spirit."
- Wayne Dyer

Hmmm...cop-out, eh? When I think in terms of the ego and being in spirit, I find it much easier to let go of the guilt. And being in-spirit is what my children need most.

So, do you know in what areas you judge yourself? Let us know?

Module Morsel

Hi Laura and Marya: Thank you for such a great module morsel this month. Being able to step back and look at my part in a situation is extremely helpful and takes me out of the "emotion" of the moment. When ever I judge someone else it is just a red flag for me that I am not looking at something!

Thank you for the reminders this month, I will use them!!

Denise

New awareness on judgement

Hi All! (Denise) Each time I have looked at this as a focus something new comes to light. I notice that my husband and I are both very judgemental of ourselves. And hearing him do it to himself makes me wonder what I sound like if I speak my self judgements outloud. I have, ever since I can remember, have had the feeling that whatever I am doing is not quite good enough. And it haunts me at times, the only difference is that now I notice when I fall into that pattern of judgement for myself. To shift I give myself postive self talk, whatever I was feeling negative about I say the exact opposite in a positive statement. That seems to help pull me out, and I know that it is an old pattern, it is not a belief but an attitude. I know I can change my attitudes when I make a concious effort. It also pulls me out of that ego place, being judgemental is ego oriented. All of a sudden it all needs to be about me!! Hahaha...... Anyhow, this is always a good one. Maybe a whole year on self judgement would be cleansing for my spirit. Peace, everyone.

This Week's Module Morsel

As I wrote in my last post, I spent Sunday and Monday in a bit of self-judgment. I can tell you how I felt and what it did to my Focus Area! I felt so negative and I could feel old patterns of negative thinking coming up again to visit me -- all because I was judging myself -- making myself wrong. When I feel that negative, it also brings up my old parenting patterns, the ones I released for a more enlightened approach. I can assure you, my children appreciate it when I am not judging myself!

And Here It Is

I mentioned in an earlier post that I was looking forward to studying this topic this year. I have released much of my self-judgment in my studies through this program and thought maybe I was done with it. Not so, my friends! The specter of self-judgment reared its ugly head in my life today -- more to learn. There was a misunderstanding at the building where I rent space to teach yoga. Something else was scheduled at a time I thought I had reserved. I was angry that I didn't have my space and when I asked about it, they simply said I wasn't on the schedule. I was convinced I had reserved the space and was looking for ways to "prove" I had. Then I began to second-guess myself. What if I hadn't been clear? What if I should have double-checked? Blah, blah, blah. You get the picture, I am sure. Then I began to judge myself around how I was feeling about the mistake. I was surprised something so unimportant could unnerve me.

I then realized, "who cares!" I kept trying to place blame on them or myself (I alternated between the two quite seamlessly!) There is a fabulous quote by Rumi that says: “Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” (Rumi)

What if no one was wrong? What if no one was right? Why do we place blame on ourselves or others?

Inspirational Quote

With each layer of judgment, we put another barrier between ourselves
and being truly present in this moment.”
(Andrew Weiss)

How do you feel when you are judging yourself? You cannot be truly present when you are judging yourself because your thoughts are about something that happened in the past. Judgment keeps us stuck in a negative mental loop that’s foundation is in the past. If you made a mistake, learn from it. Make amends, if necessary, and then allow yourself to move on to live your life with grace. When you are present, you are a gift to yourself and the world.

Failure and Success

Last month in exploring eating, I also learned a lot about self-judgment. I started the month partaking in a cleanse type diet. I made it about a week and then slowly returned to most (not all) of my prior eating habits. In hindsight it may not have been the best time to start. I was feeling fatigued already and hoped the cleanse would help flush out whatever was causing it. Instead I just kept feeling worse. I really wanted to follow through (2 weeks) yet kept having moments where it just didn't seem feasible (energy- or time-wise) to keep going.
What was amazing to me was everything that happened after. I felt guilty for not continuing. I also said I wasn't doing it to lose weight but discovered I was a bit disappointed when I didn't. I even had a few days of feeling like a failure because I didn't finish the 2 weeks! Amazing! No one said I "had to", my health was not dependent on it, there was no prize or punishment at the end. All of these feelings were created by me! Luckily the feelings didn't last long as I talked myself out of it. I felt better as I continued to eat well using many things I did on the cleanse. I also realized I really had done what I originally said I wanted which was to cut back on sugary foods. So in that it actually was a success!
Do you make goals or have ideals (some you may not even be aware of?) and then judge yourself when it doesn't go as planned? What can you do to change the way you judge the situation and yourself? Is it possible to not judge it at all?

Self-Judgment

I have so looked forward to this module this year! As Marya mentioned in today's Module Morsel, I, too, have released much self-judgment in my studies with this program. I know there is more and I am looking forward to feeling even lighter and brighter!