We Begin Again...

It is time to renew the year for the program. I am so excited to do it again. I am amazed at how, year after year, I find I can refine my work even more and with each refinement, more joy. Really. I am going to keep my focus on my relationship with my kids because I am pushed to be more conscious with them more than in any other area of my life. I am looking forward to bringing even more compassion to our relationship.

Here's to another year!

Connection

As I mentioned in today's Module Morsel, my focus for this holiday season with my family is to feel the spiritual connection between us. I find it can be so tricky with family to maintain my consciousness. It can be very easy to fall back into old ways of being with those from whom I learned them. This holiday I am focusing on the connection, feeling the connection. It has been deeply profound so far...

Renewing My Practice

I resonate with today's Module Morsel. Regularly reviewing the efficacy of my practice is essential in my life. Because I know my Spiritual Practice helps me feel grounded and centered, when I am not feeling grounded and centered, I know I need to make a change in my practice. Sometimes I need to shift something because of a change of beliefs. Sometimes I need to rearrange commitments to have more time for my practice. Other times I need to do less because it is feeling too cluttered. Knowing I can change my practice makes it more conscious.

A Discussion on Spiritual Practice

Here is a 13 minute podcast in which Laura, Marya, and Tammy discuss this month's focus. You can hear about Marya's very inspiring focus for the month, how Tammy is affected by her practice, and Laura's work to expand her Spiritual Practice without expanding her time on her Spiritual Practice. Enjoy!

Spiritual Practice: All the Time!

So, I decided my focus for this month was to deepen my daily spiritual practice, specifically my nontraditional practices. I am a mother with small children and I am in the process of beginning a new company. My time is gloriously full so, right now, I choose not to have a long, formal spiritual practice. I prefer to see each moment as an opportunity to be present, practice compassion, and live from the light inside of me. I cook with the intention of nourishing my family, I hug my children with love pouring out of me, I look at my husband attentively when he is speaking to me, I listen with my heart when students need my help.

I also found this post from the other blog. I blog here at the end of most months to summarize what the month meant to me. I had to chuckle because it fit what I am saying here!

My Hidden Lesson

(Laura) So, I had an interesting chat with Marya today. We were discussing this month’s topic and what we had learned for ourselves. I was mentioning how this month hadn’t been very illuminating for me. I had set a focus for being more aware in my relationship with my extended family. I didn’t think anything had come up for me. Then it hit me, I had had a huge lesson in the area and had almost missed it! I am continually amazed at how, when you set an intention, the lessons come up. I hadn’t even “worked” on it this month!

Blaming Myself

So, last week’s Module Morsel was a particular challenge for me. Knowing the difference between blaming myself for a negative interaction (“What did I do/say to make them angry/irritated/impatient?) and being conscious of other people’s feelings while still giving them the space to have their own reaction to me even if it is negative. (I do everything with an open, loving heart and they still have a negative reaction because of their own “stuff”). I had a great conversation with Marya and fellow Awaken to Joy club member, Karen. You can hear it here.

My Communication

I have still been thinking about the negative assumptions piece I have written about here and here. I realize that for me it comes to being more conscious of learning than on teaching. (Tricky for a teacher!) When I am in a learning mode, I pause, I listen more, I have space between my thoughts and my words. Letting myself be open to new ideas, being empty for more as a beginner, rather than full like an expert, gives me the space to observe without evaluating. As a beginner, I don't know what everything means and I can let go of preconceived ideas.

Positive Communication

Okay, I admit it, I am still in last week’s assignment and observing without evaluating. This topic has been dramatic for me! As I mentioned in an earlier post, I read somewhere that we create negative evaluations (read: "jumped to conclusions" and "making assumptions") in areas where we lack self-esteem. I have found it so true for me and over the weekend I identified an area in which I created negative evaluations. (And, I mean "created". It was ALL in my head.) I also realized that it was an area in my life in which I have sabotage myself in the past. (No good comes of negative evaluations.) With that new information, I have been able to both shift out of my low self-esteem in those areas, stop sabotaging myself AND move into better communication. So powerful!

Thought on Self-Esteem

I was recently reading that a sign of low self-esteem is interpreting things that are said as having negative meaning. In other words, confusing evaluation with observation of facts (our work for the month) is a sign of low self-esteem! So I have started paying attention to when I tend to interpret what someone says as negative. As I work on separating my observations from my evaluations, I am also working on my self-esteem.

So, tell me, where do you notice your negative assessments coming up? What do you learn from it?

Communication: Choosing a Focus for the Month

Over the next two months our focus is communication. Our focus is specifically, being able to communicate in a more compassionate way; a way that connects us to others rather than alienating them. In this month, our smaller focus is learning to observe without evaluation. It is our evaluation that causes us suffering so learning this skill will help eliminate much or our challenges in our life. Of course it doesn’t mean never evaluating a situation, it just means being able to separate what is what is really happening (observing is objective) versus what you think about what is happening (evaluating is subjective).

Frankly, I find this month the most challenging for me to grasp of the entire year. Not only do I have a hard time separating my opinions with my evaluations (they are practically simultaneous), I find it tricky to remember to check myself in the moment. So, for this month, I am going to find a very small area in which to hold my conscious awareness around this idea. I have decided to use driving as my conscious time. Whenever I drive I will be conscious about observing without evaluating.

Words: Getting Help

As Marya said in our Personal Comments in this week's Module Morsel, we have been helping each other by noticing when we say something we need to rephrase. My husband and I have been doing it with the way we speak to our children, too. Just remember to only do it with a willing partner! I find not everyone appreciates those corrections...:-)

The Possibilities!

Remember my quote from a couple of inspirations ago? My “nos” and “don’ts” only served to point out the limitations rather than the possibilities. Well, that thought fueled my entire month, especially with my children. I shared it with my husband, too, and we both worked on it. I cannot even express the transformation it has created in our household. My son is even connecting more deeply with his dad, chatting and snuggling more than he has ever done. All we shifted was stopping “nos” to finding a possibility, even if it is fantasy (like the horse story I shared in the module.) Instead of “no, you cannot start that project. It is bed time.” It became “Ooohhh...what a great idea! I bet that will be gorgeous! Let’s leave it here on the table so you remember it for the morning. When you are fresh tomorrow you will be ready to begin!” Instead of “No, you still cannot eat cookies for breakfast.” (A question my son asks about three times a week – really.) It became, “Doesn’t that sound good! Then we can have cake for dessert! Or, better yet, let’s have cake for our meal and eggs for dessert!”

I use the same technique in my new company. Whenever I hear “but no one does that out there”, my response is now, “So, we will be the first!”

An Interesting Month

When I was discussing what I wanted to think about this month with Karen and Marya (you can find the podcast here), we talked about how judging others is merely a reflection of what we are judging in ourselves. So, I have spent the last few weeks reevaluating my judgment area for the month (my husband's parenting) and investigating what there is to learn for me. Interestingly, we were right! I do just what he does that I find I want to judge! As I began to become more conscious of my own behavior, my own judgment melted away...

An Illuminating Month

(Laura) What an incredible month for me! I have so enjoyed taking a deeper look into my self-judgment. What I realized is I have two main areas in which I still have residual judgment, my level of professionalism and my parenting. I have found it extraordinarily helpful to be aware of where I judge myself. It helps me recognize the judgment faster. I had an experience in self-judgment last week when I made a (in the words my spouse and I use) "less than optimal parenting decision." Later that day, after I spent a couple of hours feeling incredibly guilty, I noticed my Wayne Dyer quote of the day was:

"Any energy you place on what transpired in the past
is groundwork for guilt, and ego loves guilt.
Such negative energy fabricates and excuse
for why your present moments are troubled
and gives you a cop-out, a reason to stay out of spirit."
- Wayne Dyer

Hmmm...cop-out, eh? When I think in terms of the ego and being in spirit, I find it much easier to let go of the guilt. And being in-spirit is what my children need most.

So, do you know in what areas you judge yourself? Let us know?

This Week's Module Morsel

As I wrote in my last post, I spent Sunday and Monday in a bit of self-judgment. I can tell you how I felt and what it did to my Focus Area! I felt so negative and I could feel old patterns of negative thinking coming up again to visit me -- all because I was judging myself -- making myself wrong. When I feel that negative, it also brings up my old parenting patterns, the ones I released for a more enlightened approach. I can assure you, my children appreciate it when I am not judging myself!

And Here It Is

I mentioned in an earlier post that I was looking forward to studying this topic this year. I have released much of my self-judgment in my studies through this program and thought maybe I was done with it. Not so, my friends! The specter of self-judgment reared its ugly head in my life today -- more to learn. There was a misunderstanding at the building where I rent space to teach yoga. Something else was scheduled at a time I thought I had reserved. I was angry that I didn't have my space and when I asked about it, they simply said I wasn't on the schedule. I was convinced I had reserved the space and was looking for ways to "prove" I had. Then I began to second-guess myself. What if I hadn't been clear? What if I should have double-checked? Blah, blah, blah. You get the picture, I am sure. Then I began to judge myself around how I was feeling about the mistake. I was surprised something so unimportant could unnerve me.

I then realized, "who cares!" I kept trying to place blame on them or myself (I alternated between the two quite seamlessly!) There is a fabulous quote by Rumi that says: “Out beyond ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” (Rumi)

What if no one was wrong? What if no one was right? Why do we place blame on ourselves or others?

Self-Judgment

I have so looked forward to this module this year! As Marya mentioned in today's Module Morsel, I, too, have released much self-judgment in my studies with this program. I know there is more and I am looking forward to feeling even lighter and brighter!

My Shift

I have been considering this week's quote today:

“What if the Buddha came to dinner at your house? Or Jesus? Or God? Would you serve what you normally eat? If not, why not? And, more importantly, why do you not eat that way every day?” (Laura Erdman-Luntz)

I don't eat dairy due to physical sensitivities but miss cheese desperately and feel deprived. Last night I was at a dinner party and someone brought goat and sheep's cheese. Since those are easier on my system, I indulged. It was delicious! It certainly filled a craving. But then I felt quite, well, icky later. I began to think of myself as a spiritual being and my desire to awaken more deeply. I also knew that the ickiness I felt in my body was preventing me from feeling more deeply spiritual. I made a decision then to not eat any kind of cheese because it kept me from connecting more deeply spiritually. I felt a shift instantly. Now I wasn't coming from a "I can't have it." I was coming from "I want to awaken." It feels softer, more effortless, and it resonates with my compassionate self. I am no longer feeling deprived by my decision and instead feeling quite inspired!

My Carb Addiction

So this month has been interesting for me. Marya has been going through a food detox for herself and talking about her challenges with her clearing her carbohydrate addiction. I have an incredibly clean diet (what comes of being wheat-, dairy-, and corn-free with no white sugar) so I didn’t think I had my carbohydrate addiction anymore. (Years ago I needed two bagels each day to feed my need for gluton! Took a few detoxes to get me off that diet!) Anyway, what was interesting was to notice that not only do I still have a bit of an addiction (I need carbs for breakfast and I like a little something sweet in the afternoon), I was quite irritable to find my husband had eaten the last cookie one day. Some work to do here... But I must say, just knowing about it has helped me change my behavior already.